May 3, 2012, 4:55pm
7lbs 8oz, 20.25 inches
Rebecca: my wife
Sammy: our 3.5 year old daughter
Around 39 weeks, I came down with a terrible intestinal illness. Actually, first my daughter got it, then I had it, and then my wife got it... And I didn't end up going into labor until everyone was well and the housekeeper we had temporarily engaged came and cleaned the house.
Anyway, starting with the night I came down with it, I'd been having light contractions on and off, but nothing that developed into any sort of pattern. Wednesday morning (housecleaning day), a day past my due date, Sammy and I went to preschool at the library as usual. I started having the same light, almost painless contractions. I ignored them, thinking they would stop soon. They kept coming consistently through lunch with my Mom and then our usual visit to my grandmother. I started timing while I was there. 7-8 minutes apart but very short. I ignored them another couple of hours as we all got home. My mom came over to take me to my prenatal yoga class, since I didn't think I should be driving at that point. They were still about 8 minutes apart but spaced out a bit when I got up and moved around. Yoga class was nice; I took it pretty easy. I had several more during class and some good strong ones in the car on the way home. Rebecca was waiting for me when I got home with a glass of wine (doula's orders) and Sammy was sleeping upstairs.
After the glass of wine, some magnesium, and a shower, I laid down to get some rest. But laying down made them stronger and closer together, so I got up and fiddled around/tried to rest. By about 2am they were getting strong enough that I woke Rebecca up to help me through them. They were less than a minute long, but about 2-3 minutes apart. Shortly we decided to call the doula and start setting up the tub.
Heather, our doula, showed up around 3:30am. I got in the tub for a while, which felt amazing. It didn't slow down the pattern of contractions. The midwife came and checked me around 4:30. Then we took a walk around the neighborhood. Checked again, was declared to be in labor but very early. I was a bit discouraged due to the lack of bloody show and the difficulty the midwife had reaching my cervix. The midwife left. Soon Sammy woke up for the day. We had breakfast - eggs and toast - and then I got back in the tub and she helped pour water over my belly. My mom came over and helped Sammy get packed up and then took her to their house for the duration. I enjoyed having Sammy there for part of it, but definitely wanted her out of my hair by the time she left. She was very sweet but quite distracting for me, and not in a beneficial way.
For the rest of the morning and into the afternoon, under Heather's and Rebecca's ministrations, I got in and out of the tub, walked in the yard, listened to birth affirmations, tried to rest and eat, and tried various other positions and locations around the house. At two points - one in the tub and one upstairs on the birth bed listening to the Hypnobirthing affirmations track - I got into this weird dozing/lalaland state between the contractions. This was great because I hadn't slept the whole night.
I also had a few emotional moments. Heather kept making me try to poop, the meanie. I was in the bathroom, and Rebecca disappeared to do something and I sobbed to Heather that I was afraid. I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to do it, I was afraid that I would be too weak. I don't remember what Heather said to me but I know it helped and I pulled my act together. Later she made me listen to the Hypnobabies VBAC track, which pissed me off because I was having such a long, difficult labor and it kept talking about "easy, comfortable" birthing. I was like, "screw you, hypnobabies!" So I sat in the birth tub and cried and felt very sorry for myself.
At one point Heather got me to sit backwards on the toilet with my head resting on pillows on the tank. I thought I would hate this position, because I hated sitting frontward on it, but it was actually really comfortable and I got in the zone there.
Occasionally the contractions spaced out a bit to more like 5 minutes apart, I think, but mostly stayed in the 3 minute range. I dealt with them by saying "Hooooooh" a lot, louder and louder as the intensity stepped up. Heather suspected the baby's head was cocked a little bit, interfering with dilation. About 2pm, Heather put me in the open-knee-chest position to let her float up a bit and hopefully reposition. I stayed that way for about 45 minutes, and then Heather and Rebecca took turns "sifting" my belly with a towel - holding up the weight of it with the towel and jiggling it back and forth to try to reposition Avery's head. The contractions then got very intense. They started coming one right after another with no or very little break. I was kind of singing my "hoooooh" sound, very loudly, with lots of vibrato :) Ashley, the midwife, checked my cervix right as this super-intense period started. I asked for this exam, hoping I'd be at around an 8. It was a very uncomfortable exam... I made them tell me a number, which was 5. I had a little bit of a breakdown then, thinking I was still many hours away from relief. I sobbed some more about how unfair it was that my labors were like this. Heather and Ashley wanted me to put my foot up in a lunge position to help with the asymmetrical dilation, but I couldn't deal with it during contractions. All I wanted was to get in the tub, so Rebecca was reheating it again. Finally it was ready, and I got in and was able to lift my leg out a bit for a few contractions. The tub helped a lot but it was still very, very intense. I was just hanging on for dear life. I knew it had to be transition but I also believed it couldn't be, that soon after being at 5 centimeters (which was actually generously rounded up, I later learned). I started thinking about transferring because I thought there was no way I could endure several hours of this, or if it got worse. And how in God's name I was going to ride in a car in this state? I stopped thinking about transferring, because NO. No car.
After a little while in the tub, about an hour after the belly sifting, something changed. I got "pushy", as they say. For some reason I started needing to grunt and bear down during the contractions. It was scary because I was sure this was too early to be pushing. After a few of those contractions, Heather asked me "Do you feel like you need to bear down?" My reaction was a dismayed, "I thought I was!" For some reason in my head I had translated that to "You are not bearing down right now, would you like to?" so I thought I was doing it wrong! But she assured me that yes, I was bearing down.
After she said that, I reached down and felt inside. I could feel the bag of waters (and, I guess, Avery's head) there. It was smooth and firm and right there in the birth canal. I told them I could feel her coming down. Ashley came and checked me in the tub - I remember her saying she was going to, and I remember her saying we were good to go, but I have no memory of the actual check. All of a sudden there was activity all around. Phone calls were being made, like telling the nursing assistant, previously told to take her time, to stop taking her time and step on it! The contractions spaced out a bit and I was so, so happy for the break.
The midwife said we could stay downstairs in the tub if I wanted to, and I couldn't decide what to do... I hadn't really wanted a waterbirth and I wanted to be upstairs, but I was kind of paralyzed with indecision. Ultimately Rebecca reminded me that the plan was to go upstairs where all our beds and showers are, and I'm glad I went with that. The stairs seemed a bit daunting but I just waited for 1 more contraction, then got out, let them dry me off, and lumbered up the stairs before another contraction could come.
Everyone was busy hauling gear and everything upstairs. I kind of landed on the bed on my hands and knees, without really thinking through what position I wanted to be in, and pushed like that through a few contractions while they lay chux pads under me. Sometimes pushing felt good and sometimes it was terrifying and I cried and fought it instead. But I could feel myself making progress. Holding some pressure to keep her in place between the contractions was hard! I was so tired. I had a hard time holding myself up and wasn't comfortable at all, so I decided I wanted to flip over. I got on my back sitting up a bit and started pushing that way. During one of the pushes I felt a pop and gush as the membranes burst. I love that nobody was holding my legs up and yelling "Push! 1-2-3-4-5..." etc. They gave me some suggestions but I did what felt right.
The midwife was checking heart tones between contractions as she came down. When she was near crowning her heart rate was around 100 instead of 130's where it bad been. I think hearing that her heart rate was down a bit (even though it was still fine) gave me some extra motivation because I think in the next 1 or 2 contractions, I pushed through that burning ring of fire. They were saying stuff to me, instructions meant to keep me from pushing too fast and tearing, but I had a hard time understanding what they were asking and I was just doing what my body said to do. I got her head out and then I heard them say "No more pushing, no more pushing." I got that! It was an incredible feeling. The midwife felt for a cord around her neck, then asked me when I was ready. I wasn't sure so I just said I was! I pushed some while she wiggled the baby right out. Delivering the rest of her hurt more than I thought it would, but it took almost no time and she slipped out - what a weird, wobbly feeling - and then she was on my chest and it was *amazing*. I said "Oh my God" about a hundred times and also "I did it!" a lot and "You're a baby!" (I'm not sure what else I expected.)
Avery's apgars were 8 and 9, and she didn't cry, just let out 2 or 3 little squawks as she became an air-breather. She really didn't cry at all until way later during the newborn exam, when she slightly objected to being weighed and having her temperature taken. She had come out with her head straight, but had a lump on the side of her head where she had been asynclitic against my cervix, just as Heather suspected.
Rebecca cut the cord after it stopped pulsing - interrupted by Avery peeing on us - and a few minutes later I pushed out the placenta. I had a bit more bleeding than we'd like so I ended up getting a shot of pitocin and some misoprostol. That controlled it. I had a little scrape on the side and a nick at the bottom, but nothing that needed sutures. I probably could have avoided even that if I'd been able ti listen to them about pushing more slowly.
Avery latched on for the first time about 10 minutes after her birth. I ate a bagel and drank about a million gallons of coconut water and Gatorade. I felt fantastic, healthy, on top of the world. It was so beautiful and I'm so thrilled with my birth team, and how it worked out.
I think my instincts were right on about avoiding the hospital. The tub was such a key factor in avoiding an epidural, and I wouldn't have had it in the hospital. With an epidural we would have had a harder time fixing her position. Plus the hospital would have pushed augmentation after 16 hours of real contractions only getting me to a 4. With that and all the variables of which OB and which nurses I'd get, the intensity of that last hour, and how much better I was able to relax at home without all the hospital policies - I doubt I would have had a vaginal birth there, much less a completely unmedicated one. I still wish the hospital had been a better bet for a VBAC so I wouldn't have had to take even the slight risk of something going wrong too quickly for us to handle by transporting. Be that as it may, I also very much enjoyed the side benefits of being at home post-birth. It was great to be able to shower in our own shower, then snuggle and sleep in our own bed without the discomforts and constant interruptions of the hospital.
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