My birth story.
After suffering with prodromal labor for weeks, I awoke Monday morning, at almost 41 weeks pregnant, to contractions that felt much more real than the ones I had been experiencing for weeks. I just knew that this was it and my baby would be in my arms shortly. If I only knew then....
I will note here that I should be referring to these contractions as "pressure waves" per my Hypnobabies practice. I found out later that I was likely having back labor due to a mal-positioned baby and though I am sure my hypnosis helped, these were pretty intense. I found myself needing to breathe through them and unable to manage my daughter alone. I called my doula, Rebecca, and asked her to come on over since she had quite a drive, Then, I drew a bath and waited for the fun to begin. I had never labored before and was excited and ready for the challenge. Rebecca arrived and we headed to Fruitful Vine for my midwife, Cindy, to do a quick check. I hadn't received any cervical checks so far and was expecting a little progress considering the warm up I had been having. After a white knuckle ride there, I was delivered the interesting news that I was merely a fingertip dilated. Not even enough for a membrane sweep. Not one to be deterred, we decided to go shopping and walk to see if things got going. They never did, so I decided we should all go home and attempt to rest while we still could. I drank some Natural Calm, took another bath, and had a fitful night of rest waking for most contractions while keeping somewhat relaxed with my Hypnobabies tracks.
The next morning things kicked up another notch and I found myself unable to hold any type of conversation. Convinced today was the day, I had Stephen take Evelyn, my oldest, to his parents house. Rebecca was on her way back over. While leaning over the birthing ball I called my best friend for comic relief. After interrupting that short phone call multiple times for waves right on top of one another, I told Rebecca to just meet us at the hospital, packed my stuff into the car and got out of dodge as quickly as we could. No way I wanted to hit transition in the car. It was a long ride.
Cut to triage at Shands where I am informed that I am 1-2 centimeters (still!?), my baby has heart decels during each contraction, and that I am at a risk for uterine rupture by trying to VBAC. Luckily, I was educated enough to know the real risk on that last fact. Digesting that info I tell them I need to pee. They bring in a bedpan. Seriously. A bedpan. I tried not to laugh and then almost cried. Stephen was on the phone with Cindy and we briefly considered leaving. I was convinced they were trying to drive me crazy and started contemplating delivering my own baby, but home was so far away and there was slight concern for baby Owen. We decide to let them admit me, but not before I peed on an actual toilet like a dignified woman in labor should.
Triage was a nightmare, but quickly became a distant memory. Once admitted to L&D I treated the nurses to the brownies I brought and got back to the important business of laboring. This was at 4pm on Tuesday. From that point until around 2am on Wednesday I was in what I like to call a laboring time warp. It went by incredibly fast and terribly slow. The monitors were annoying, but necessary I was told as Owen still had decels. I labored on the bed on all fours, on the birth ball, and dancing with Stephen. Everyone tried to help me keep the monitors on, but it was difficult and a bit stressful for me. I unplugged myself from the annoying monitors often to go to the bathroom where I hung out for as long as I could. I remember felling rushed out of the bathroom each time by Stephen. I thought he was worried about the baby, but now tells me it was because he was uncomfortable in there. Luckily for him that is almost funny now. He and Rebecca were great though. It was such a team effort. They provided massage, cold and hot packs, water, honey sticks... The works. I almost felt bad for how much work they were doing. Almost. When it got really intense I signed a waiver and took a really long hot shower with Stephen, moaning through the now almost unbearable waves. Eleanor, the night nurse came in and checked me before 9pm and again right around 11. Both checks showed me at 6 centimeters. I wasn't making progress and my contractions were becoming increasingly painful. They wrapped around my back like a vice. I already have severe low back issues, so it was probably adding to the level of pain. I was now dreading each contraction. I felt my body fight them instead of surrendering and it was not in my control anymore. I literally couldn't roll with them, it was simply too painful and I was feeling fatigued. I started to wonder if it was slowing down my progress and so did everyone else. At this point I had been having intense contractions for almost two full days, so I made the difficult decision to get the epidural in hopes my body would start to cooperate. At 1:40 it was put in place. Sitting still for that was the worst part of my entire laboring experience! My BP and Owens heart rate dropped immediately. It was a scary moment and everyone became very serious. Luckily, it was only a blip. Soon the room was much more relaxed. Stephen and Rebecca went to sleep. I tried and listened to some hypnobaby tracks, but sleep eluded me. I was meeting my baby soon. No way was I sleeping. I was worried, too. Owens heart decels happened anytime I moved from my left side. I couldn't see the monitor when I was on my left, so I took to neurotically waking Stephen to see if everything was ok. For the most part, it was. Things moved quickly after the epi was in place, comparably speaking. I started to progress a bit, but they wanted to break my water. I reluctantly agreed, but when they came in to do it my water spontaneously ruptured. My uterus works well under pressure. The water had meconium in it, though they didn't seem too concerned. An internal contraction monitor was placed. They started some sort of uterine flush to help his decels. I was told it would flush the meconium out as well. At this point I have had more intervention than I had planned, but I was prepared for things to veer off course a bit. It was labor after all. Does it ever go the way you envision it? The nurses and midwives were great. I was consulted throughout each intervention. I felt in control. Empowered even. At 5:30 they broke a fore bag of waters to get things moving as they had stalled a bit again.
By 11 the back pain was returning. The epidural had been great. I could move my legs a bit and feel the contractions, but no pain. I decided to get just a small dose more to keep me comfortable, but was hoping to have it wear off for pushing. We were starting to creep into the afternoon on Wednesday by this point and still no baby. Cindy had arrived and we were discussing a very small dose of Pitocin to help get me from 8 centimeters to complete. As a VBAC, pit scared me and I was physically and emotionally exhausted. For the first time I seriously considered throwing in the towel and heading to the OR. Cindy assured me that it was a low dose and they would see if it caused the baby issues and were ready to get him out quickly if needed. It was up to me. Everyone left the room and I discussed it with Stephen. I wanted an out. I practically begged him to tell me the c-section was ok. Luckily, he didn't. He just said he would support me either way. I decided that I had come this far, so why not try the very last thing that might get me the birth I had hoped for. Either way I knew I was having a baby that day, darn it! It would all be over soon was my mantra at this point. They started pit and things moved fast. Before I knew it I felt the urge to labor down and push a bit. The epidural had all but worn off. The timing was almost perfect and it felt incredible to push. I felt powerful, like I was finally contributing. I knew pushing could take a while, but I was still surprised no one came running to potentially catch the baby. Turns out that it took about an hour. For a while I pushed with just Stephen and Rebecca in the room. We started the Hypnobabies pushing track. It was comical, but not helpful. Soon Cindy and Kristin, the other midwife, arrived. The pushing got serious. I tried laying on my back, but preferred the squat position. It put much less pressure on my back. Cindy wanted me to relax in between contractions. I wish I had been better at that part, but it was practically impossible for me with all of that pressure. My birth plan said I wanted the mirror, but I refused. I was terrified I wouldn't see a baby coming out and would get discouraged. The pushing was getting exhausting. Cindy, being the awesome midwife she is, insisted on the mirror. I saw and felt his head. It was all the motivation I needed. I finally realized it was happening. This baby was exiting my vagina!!! I pushed with everything I had. I felt the ring of fire. What an appropriate name for it, I thought. I yelled out that it burned. Someone yelled back to push through the burn. I did and I felt myself tearing. I couldn't care less though, I just wanted him OUT.
Finally, at 5:17 he arrived and was placed on my chest. He was small and limp. His little lips were turning purple and he didn't cry. I was scared. I don't remember if I said anything, but I wanted them to fix him. I looked at Cindy. She seemed apologetic about needing to cut the cord early since I requested it be delayed, but of course I was ok with it. It felt like things were moving in a tragic slow motion. They whisked him off to the warmer and started working to get him to transition better. Time stood still. The darn mirror was in the way of me seeing him, but I was assured he was going to be ok. Someone told me he peed everywhere and I finally heard him cry. Not knowing if your baby is ok is excruciating. Around this time I started delivering the placenta. I imagine you would notice this less with a baby in your arms, but it was not pleasant. It moved past my tear and I suddenly felt betrayed by all the articles I read about the pain disappearing once the baby came out. It hurt. My vagina was on fire and I gladly informed anyone who would listen. Looking back I am sure that was slightly amusing.
The pediatricians wanted to take Owen to the nursery for observation for an hour. I wasn't happy about that and not everyone agreed it was necessary, but I wanted to play it safe and didn't make a fuss. Stephen went with him and he was brought back just as Kristin finished stitching me up. He latched right away and has been a breastfeeding pro since. He weighed in at just under 6 lbs and 20.5 inches. Small, but healthy. I am still riding the high from his birth. I feel like a rock star anytime I think of it and it reminds me that I can do anything. His birth didn't just happen to me, I owned it. I had a wonderful birth team and I couldn't have done it without each of them. Rebecca, Cindy, Kristin and Eleanor will always have a special place in my heart. Shands was amazing. I could go on and on, but I will end things here. My VBAC was nothing like I expected it to be, but I do think it demonstrates that sometimes interventions, if used judiciously, can actually help you get the birth that you desire. This was one of the most amazing experiences of my life and I am very thankful.
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